is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
