Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
