I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize