You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
