you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Terrible idea I love it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
