Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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