So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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