I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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