I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize