we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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