i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
