Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
