I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sorry my hands just texted you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
