if i can run in heels then i can drive
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
