I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
