the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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