I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize