so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
