Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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