I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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