I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
