Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
