I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
