I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
