i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
