I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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