I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
