I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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