And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
