a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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