well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
