first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
