Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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