I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
