The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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