I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize