I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
