He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
