its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
