My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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