was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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