So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
