She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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