3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She's just so happy...and so naked.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
