pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
