Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
