Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
