there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
