Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
