So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
