Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
