Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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