just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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