Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
