i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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