I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
