Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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