So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
