why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
