I'm so fucking centered right now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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