Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
