so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
