At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
