life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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