Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
