Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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