if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
