Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
