Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
