How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
