My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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