All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize