the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
