Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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